thirdie

where are you?

i'm not mad, but you should've been here...

i understand, but i'm still sad.

you promised... i will be expecting.

time ticking... day dragged on longer than usual.

looking forward... for your return.

runaway (bride)

Im on weddings overload.



Marge and corwyn. Barbs and lloyd. Judai and ryan. Hahaha.

Been thinking about it… was really not the one to think of wedding plans and wedding wants. Not the one to think of eternal commitment. I think I have issues about it. everytime I get too close to the thought of getting married, I shudder, walk out, leave, without turning back. A little too close to reality.

Then why am I even blogging about it? because I’m already at the point where most of my friends are already getting hitched. And it’s just so sweet to see them walk down the aisle in all their glory. They are at their best. So touching to see the guys waiting for them at the altar, all excited to finally be with the one they truly love. I get heart wrenched and teary eyed during the bride’s wedding march. Sappy me.

But this still doesn’t make me want to think of my own wedding. No, not at all.

But what is happening lately? I’m thinking more and more of it. maybe, not just the wedding itself, but getting married. Being forever with somebody, somebody I truly love, I hope. And it’s scary. Because I have no idea where all this is coming from. I am not ready for this open mindedness that I am fast gaining.

I remembered the first time he popped the question on me. it was during one of our rides going home. Everything was still new then. It was just the beginning, we were still getting to know each other. And he asked me, just like that.

And I think that’s when it all started. Well, not really, but it was “when the seed of thought was planted”.

Is he dead serious about it? am I even considering it? we still have a lot to think about, to work on, and to prove to everyone else, even to ourselves. Can I see myself being with him for always? Maybe. but I still have a lot of but’s.

But then again, should I wait for all those but’s to be gone before I even decide on considering it? maybe not him, but the thought?!

Again, I am thinking too much. I am on weddings overload and my mind is going crazy, drifting in between wedding dresses and wedding songs. Too much of this and I think I’m going to barf.

Seriously.


x.s. Why the title? I used to want this to be my wedding march song, if I do get married. But since Judai already used it, I wouldn’t want to be mocked copying her wedding. If, again, I’m getting married. oh and i feel like i am a runaway bride myself....

still the learning part...

I’m just in the need to write my thoughts. Not to analyze, maybe to vent, but more so I can think.

I reread my earlier posts in my other site, and I came across what I read from waitingfortherightbus. On what she learned of about relationships. And I quote, it is not about being together all the time but about finding out your feelings haven’t changed after not seeing or talking to the other person for days (or weeks or a month).

I don’t know how I can just do that. I have been constantly advised by people closer to him that I shouldn’t be too… is naïve the right word? Demanding? I know that I demand too much. Too much of his attention, that is. I am constantly craving for him to show more concern, more care.

Have things changed? I don’t want to think too much and I know I shouldn’t be. It won’t get me anywhere. If so, it will only lead him farther away from me.

How do I get to know these things about you, about us? I have said before that this is the learning part for me. it still is…

I resolved to work things out, I resolved to behave. I know I should start with me. but should I be the only one to work on it? please do your part and meet me halfway. i would love to give my all, I would love to go through it all. But are you there, at the other side, still waiting for me? or have you turned your back and have already walked away?

restraint

so, i resolved to work it out.

and i have to do this right.

otherwise, i'm afraid things will eventually blow up in my face...

***********

time. how much of it does one need?

what for? not to think, don't give me that crap.

not for making a decision, i already did.

and i decided to be with you. i wanted to.

so you see, i don't need time.

... i need you.

bora, baby!

i was hesitant to join my friends at first, thinking of a vacation out of the country instead of the usual summer boracay trip. in the end though, i got convinced. and despite the tropical depression that passed by just days before our trip, we all towed down to the white sand beach of boracay... and as regie promised, had one fab of a vacation!



and i thought the skies will not clear up for us... it was sizzling, hot, baby!



and buddy marc is even hotter, eh? :)

the silver lining

rain is pouring and the weather’s all gloomy… but the nice news is that I have a new nephew in tow! cheers to popo and ghie! am excited to see the new baby in town!

it’s been all good… love love love being with you. there have been many petty quarrels and even more discussions over insignificant things, but making up for all have been worth it. thank you for always making me smile, whatever and however messed up things get to be.

i’ve been hearing songs (from my neighbor) and it’s you i’m thinking of. miss you already…

*****

the way you look at me and the smile on your face makes me want to run to you and to just hold you…

the way you hold me in your arms and the gentle kisses you give me makes me want to drown in your love…forever.

no fancy dinners, no expensive gifts… but more than enough love to make me feel complete…

just YOU and ME… and I know that WE can brave the storms together…