hello?

after a couple and more missed calls, i was finally able to talk to him.

nice to hear his voice again.

more so... it was really nice to see him...


love love love video calls :)

40 cents

this (Globe) ad really touched me before, and it still does. maybe because i can relate to it, maybe because i am in the exact same position as the writer. this was shared by my good friend, eli. (credits to ojoe for the picture)

For 40 cents I can create the illusion that you are here.

And I can say hi, I miss you, what time will you be home, I love you, see you tonight.

It's just a silly game we play, pretending that you are working somewhere in this city, that I will see you in four hours instead of four years.

40 cents won't make the oceans contract or the continents move. Heck, 40 days of prayers wouldn't change the distance between me and you. But for 40 cents, I can have you so near I can hear your voice in my ear (closing my eyes, it's as if you were beside me). Give me your spare minutes like spare change jangling in your days, I'm a beggar for your love...

guilty skank

From homaygess in chuvaness.livejournal: “we all have our inner skank, whether we admit to it or not…”

Totally agree. So don’t try to wash your laundry, clean your dishes, or wash your hands in public or whatever and however you do it, thinking that you have a clean conscience; that you are the most noble of them all. He who has not made a mistake cast the first stone. Look at yourself first before you criticize other people.

Good or not, we do have our inner evilness, our inner skanks. Whether you have released this inner being at one point or not, whether you admit to it or not, learn to accept that it is there, that you have it. Y-O-U are not perfect.

And if the skank of another person bit you… it’s ok to be hurt, to get mad. But is it really worth it to get back at that person? Is it really worth holding that grudge against him or her? Again, bear in mind that you also make mistakes. You may not have hurt other people in the process, but it still doesn’t mean that you don’t make mistakes. And it also doesn’t mean that the person who made the mistake is not sorry for doing it, for hurting you. Forgiveness is the key. In time, forgetting will follow.

And if it doesn’t, at least it wouldn’t hurt as much. It wouldn’t kill you again and again. At least, you could’ve moved on…

You would’ve lived.

our game

i was on my way to work. i saw the sign, Jurist BAR Review Center. and i remembered our little game. made me smile, thinking of that happy time together.

bargs and bards, it will be... a funny memory. i'll always remember the way you looked and the way you laughed.

the text message made my day too. it was two good things in one day :)

one week

has it only been 7 days?... feels longer than that.

i am not too crazy about waiting... but i'm still here.

i don't want to question, i'm enduring as much as i can.

i am sad.


i am totally missing you...

one day less

364 days more to go...

leaving... and waiting

The time has come for you to leave. Thank you for spending the remaining days with me…for making me feel loved, for making me feel important.

I’m at the crossroad again, standing still. It’s hard, but I know that this is what you have to do. This is the path we have taken, and this is just the start.

I am standing still, looking. Your gaze held me and told me a lot of unspoken words. The feeling is bridging the short distance between us.

Soon, the oceans and continents will keep us apart.

But, I will be standing still… I will be waiting.

haunted (yet again)

I am haunted again by things that I should have buried a long time ago. Things which were said to me in confidence, with all the trust, and with the hope of acceptance. Things, which I embraced, swallowed, and vowed I will accept.

But why is it that everytime I am reminded of these things, I still feel… hurt, at the very least, disgusted in the larger sense. Why? Because I felt that I have bitten off more than I can chew. Because it felt like I have compromised some of the principles that I have and have traded them for what…? Disgusted, at myself, because they still affect me in ways they should never do.


How much honesty can one take? How much acceptance can one give?

Is it worth measuring?

changes

they have been anticipating this announcement for the longest time. and it will soon come.

i'm freaked by the thought... but i know that it is something i do have to face... one time or another. now or later.

too many changes, and i think my head is starting to spin. i'm such a change-a-phobic. but i still plunge in...

and now, i'm thinking if i made a mistake of entering something that i'm not sure i can stand up for... something i can continue, until the end.

oh, good Lord, please help me... i'm still confused.

******

i folded like a meek lamb again. all my defenses and all my resistance to just accept everything melted with the touch of your hand... i am a fool to just let everything pass.

it seems that you're not listening to me. i'm not whining. i'm not complaining. i am demanding... but for a reason...

don't act so defiant... please compromise...at the very least... please hear me out...