honesty

it's funny how life, liking, and love works, and behaves.

he loves me, i know i love him.

but "i know" is different from i feel.

i used to love him... he still likes me... as a friend, i guess.

i should be happy, but i think i wanted more.

because maybe... just maybe, i still love him.

now, that is also different from knowing i love the other him.

we used to love each other, but i don't think i ever really loved him.

he still likes me, even if he's in love with somebody else.

he's a friend, and he said he likes me.

maybe, he's even falling in love already.

this is weird, because no matter how i try not to think about him, about all these, his face and his name always comes up. no matter how hard i try to push it away, it always comes back to this...

... it's always been him.


maybe not wholly... but in some parts... some major parts... some major parts i just can't ignore.

and i know everything's a bitch... and that everything will catch up with me some time in the future...

but i can't worry too much about what is still unseen.

for now, i'm worried with this honesty.

i'm worried about what it will do to me...


* from the same girl who always found herself at square one everytime she felt like she's already moved on...